Boss, I'm expecting a baby in a few months... » Marianne Dupuis

✨Once upon a time… a leader was trying her best dealing with maternity leave, while retaining talents and fostering a positive culture.
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Hence, in a beautiful coaching session… arrived this LEADERSHIP CHALLENGE
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I work in a toxic culture

– It took me 6 months to hire a talented marketing staff, she is really good at what she does and 2 months after starting, she got pregnant.
Hiring a young lady who got married the year before, pregnancy was expected, hence I do not mind and I’m happy for her.
– 𝑊ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑖𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑛𝑔𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑛?
– Well, I can cope with her absence. I’ve handled the workload all through the long recruiting period, so I can do that again.
😓 What bothers me more is the negative talk about that.
😓 Colleagues – even HR ones – keep saying that it’s a shame, a real bad timing, taking advantage of the situation, etc.
😓 Ironically, they won’t be impacted but they do grumble.
– 𝐻𝑜𝑤 𝑖𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑎 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑛𝑔𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢?
– I’m worried this will discourage her to return after her maternity leave. This is not the kind of culture I like to experience at work and she may not either. Yet, she is a real talent and I want to retain her.

Toxic culture do create dramatic ripple effects

Something we cannot take lightly indeed…
⚡Toxic cultures are proven sources of resignations, burnouts, lasting resentments, conflicts and a huge waste of talents.
⚡People feel deeply hurt in such environments conflicting with their values, with what defines their identity and matters most to them.

🤔Depending on the level of toxicity, our own influence and the level of time and effort we are willing to put into it, we need to chose wisely:
– either to leave as soon as possible so we don’t go into serious issues we cannot cope with
– or decide to change the culture into a healthy collaborative one where we can blossom.

Should we fight for our values then?
Though I’d love to answer this question with a passionate “Yes, of course” we also need to consider the energy needed to reach victory.

Sometimes we need to preserve ourselves first. If we are just coming back from maternity leave and struggling at home, if we are going through a painful divorce or have a dear one in palliative care, we may not have enough energy to cope with more. In such cases, adding more mental load may just worsen the situation and self-care would be the priority.
Hence, a young mother returning from maternity leave may not be best equipped to cope with a toxic culture while her leader could be in a better position to step up.

As a leader, we could be the best person to impulse a positive culture. We need to prepare ourselves then stand for our values. And then reap most meaningful benefits:

Asserting our values, we keep our self-esteem

Asserting our values, we create a culture where we perform well

Asserting our values, we attract and retain people who share them, performing well together, motivated to get lasting results

How did the leader elegantly deal with the maternity leave and toxic culture?

The leader acted on both sides: the pregnant employee and her grumbling colleagues.

- 🎁 Motherhood is not a waste of time, rather a most humbly leadership training with valuable lessons to apply both at home and at work
- 🎁 Leadership comes with the ability to make unpopular decisions, deeply rooted in our values and beneficial on the long term. Other people may not value them at first glance, nor have supportive reactions, yet some will appreciate retrospectively
- 🎁 we want your pregnancy to be an inspiring role model as we need women to thrive here and therefore we will consciously make the needed adjustments
Here are the adjustments I can think of:
- 📅 Please review your workload and check whether it is doable without doing any overtime, if not then come back to me and we would reallocate tasks differently
- ⏸️ Do take a pause when needed rather than pushing yourself to the limits and bear with serious unpleasant consequences that could be damaging for all
- ✒️ You need to really document the processes and the status of your work as well as all information needed so that at any time someone can take over if needed. We need to test several times to ensure it properly works
- ☎️ Keep us posted on how you’re doing while you’re on maternity leave. You are and you will still be part of the team, so we care on how things evolve and we’re looking forward to see you with your little one
- 🐣 When you are back to work we will define together what is needed so that you have the flexibility to handle emergencies and the needed boundaries to cope with fixed daycare times, as well as ensuring continuity for business as usual.
To the grumbling people, she found some ways to flip the situation into positive thoughts by highlighting the benefits of the situation and ending with a question to trigger change in themselves too.
Here are a few examples
- ❓Becoming mother has been the most humbling leadership training I ever experienced.
  How was it for you? What did you learn that proved so valuable later on?
- ❓That situation gives us ample time to test our resilience as a team. Next time I’m on leave, I’ll be at peace knowing that I can really rely on a strong team.
  Do you already have a reliable and flexible team?
- ❓Young mothers are so busy on the first two years they don’t have time to seek any other job unless we treat them really bad, so I’ve good chance to retain a great talent for 2 years.
  Not so easy to get great people onboard, right?
And it worked… beautifully!

Wishing this leader and her teams to keep thriving in a culture aligned with their values!

Dealing with maternity leave in a toxic culture, what do you need to do?

Becoming a mother is a life-changing experience, yet delicate to handle.
The way we treat women at that time is something they remember for a life-time.
Doing it right from the 1st attempt reinforces and deepens the relationship too.
- 🎯 Leader as a strategic thinker
  In the short-term, we lose a resource for a few months, on the middle-term, we secure a resource for a few years. Mothers with toddlers really are too busy to seek for a new job, especially if you give them good reasons to stay.
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- 🚀 Leader as a change driver
  Flipping situations as the leader did with grumping colleagues is a most valuable asset in our toolkit. That will serve in any change project!
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- 🏆 Leader as a role model
  Portraying ourselves as a resilient and reliable leader, assertive on their values enhances our reputation and executive presence. It also helps our direct reports to do the same, thus embedding the kind of culture where all thrive.
  Worth giving a try!
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Essential best practices
- - 💚 Connect 1st!
    Instinctively, we may have a negative reaction since it often comes as a surprise.
    Yet, no matter how many problems the situation could bring, chances are they are not the end of the world… they should not be the first thing a woman hears where sharing about her pregnancy.
    Congratulate her!
    Share her joy!
    Appreciate the courage it takes to endorse such a responsibility!
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- - 🗓️ Dedicate a specific meeting
    Once you have congratulate her, take appointment to discuss later on the consequences together.
    That will give time to all to prepare: collecting the needed information on the consequences and reflecting on ways to deliver the messages in a composed manner.
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- - 🔎 Address the tasks/processes changes for all stakeholders.
What do we need to adjust for the pregnant lady?
What precautions do we need?
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The last thing you want is to be associated to the death of a baby because you did or did not do something. People would remember!
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What do we need to adjust for her colleagues?
For other people across the organization? Outside the organization?
How robust are our processes to take over the BAU on the spot?
What is fundamental to secure before she leaves, during her absence and when she returns?
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Fatigue is a typical reality of pregnancy as well as potential health issues.
Increased sense of responsibility and willingness to ensure least impact for others also.

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- 🤔 Address the emotional change for all stakeholders
  – ✅ Reflect on the benefits to really embrace them
  What are the short-term benefits?
  transparency on the scope and tasks completed, enhance teamwork, stronger documentation and flexibility, rationalization of tasks, better planning, etc.
  What are the middle-term benefits?
  people retention, supportive culture, attracting aligned people, enhanced motivation, stronger collaboration, etc.
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  – ✅ Adopt a caring and fair attitude
  What concerns does the pregnant lady have?
  What concerns do other team members have?
  What concerns do other stakeholders have?
  How could they address them in a positive and constructive way?
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  – ✅ Affirm essential values
  Raising the communication on the values level where we get the easiest alignment before diving into specifics
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What if we don’t cover these steps or only partially?

We risk to lose a talent and the majority of other talents who would identify with her situation. We risk to face lower performance, disengagement and best team members taking the next opportunity to leave. And reputation damaging our career instead of propelling it.
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Find the right ally

We rarely have enough distance to observe ourselves and challenge our thought process enough. As we do not deal with such situations very often either, we also lack the critical mass needed to benefit from learning by trial and error.
Hence, when you face such challenge, avoid putting yourself at risk or losing your best resources, just find your right ally!
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Book a coaching session to discuss these steps with a trusted person, to gain clarity or just retrieve the courage needed and feel empowered to take action.

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About the Author
Marianne Dupuis
Coached 900+ global leaders to thrive with multicultural teams.
Her secret recipe: easy connection with leaders, joy in cultural diversity, trust in humanity and a slice of irreverence.
“Pragmatic and direct, simple and flexible, committed and caring” they say!

Give her a call, who knows? You may even succeed too 😉

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